No one’s ever lost forever

Amanda PalmerOn Wednesday night I stood a few rows from the pit barrier, clammy-content with sweat, and in a slight cider haze, watching Amanda Palmer make her way through the seven-minute ukulele-backed Bigger on the Inside.  It’s a song about a lot of things – depression, the relationship between mediatised subjectivity and authenticity, online hate, love, and the clarity and strength of connection which comes through sharing your art, your heart, your life.

It was an incredible show.  I worked in venues for about a decade, and I’ve seen few artists who can command that kind of energy, that kind of connection.  Affecting, life-affirming stuff.

Bigger on the Inside references her (step)brother, who died when she was 21

I’ve been drunk and skipping dinner
Eating skin from off my fingers
And I tried to call my brother
But he no longer exists

I keep forgetting to remember
That he would have been much prouder
If he saw me shake these insults off
Instead of getting bitter

My heart broke a little, for many reasons but especially because I work for a charity supporting people affected by the disease which killed him.  It normally affects people much, much older than he must have been.  And it’s awful, it’s so very cruel.

I listened to Lost a lot last year, in the period between my aunt’s death from heart failure and her funeral.

No one’s ever lost forever
When they die they go away
But they will visit you occasionally
Do not be afraid

No one’s ever lost forever
They are caught inside your heart
If you garden them and water them
They make you what you are

I’ve learned many things in my current job.  Perhaps the most important of which is that life is too short for regret, for bad friends, for life’s bad wine, for not doing what you love.

Those you’ve lost would, perhaps, agree with you.

Bigger on the Inside on YouTube:

Lost  on Bandcamp:

Review & pictures of the show:


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